Goldilocks vs. Mr. T

For quite a few weeks now, I have been contemplating the idea and suppressing the sudden desire of cutting my hair short.
I believe it has to do with the fact that summer is here or maybe because I can’t deal anymore with the pounding headaches due to Luca pulling on it…constantly.

The little dude is hooked on mama’s hair. So far right now it’s the best toy available on the market and he just won’t let it go. Somehow he always manages to get his little hands stuck on the most painful spots…like the nape of my neck or the temples (you know what I mean, those very sensitive areas that make your eyes fill with tears and your nose bleed).

The first thing that came to mind was obviously a Mohawk. Nothing crazy, rainbow colored or mullet-like.

Then, after the frightened look on my stylist’s face, I realized that short hair is not really for me and that I actually look like a mental patient ready to be locked up.
Now all I do, of course, is dream of little pixie haircuts, like the one Michelle Williams is sporting lately or really cool bleached blond bobs, a la Kate Bosworth.

My hair is really course, red and I have a lot of it. A few years ago, when I used to live in Japan (yeah…I used to be cool…remember?), I actually dared to dye my hair platinum blond. The result was catastrophic and, if that wasn’t enough, I decided to use a hair straightener on top of the bleach. Needless to say, my hair totally melted (in the real sense of the word!) and after begging and blathering (try to imagine me, talking Japanese in a broken English, with an Italian accent) in vain, my very talented Japanese hairdresser had no choice but to give me a sweet old Rod-Stewart-like-haircut. (I had a mullet…and you only wish I was joking!)

Yet, I must be a masochist, because that should’ve been enough to scar me for life and let my hair grow like a Rapunzel.
Unfortunately, knowing myself and being a very stubborn cookie, I will probably end up with a Mohawk. If that happens….you will be the first ones to know, share my pain and yes, admire my shameful photos!

DCP: Wigs, wigs, wigs! They exist for a reason…right??

Updates on previous post: Paris is back in jail, by the way.

Living la Vida Loca

So, after only 5 days in jail, today Paris Hilton was set free. Oh…I’m sorry, yes…house arrest. Big fucking deal, anyway!

Uhh…I guess it must be really hard to be confined in your own home when you live in a mansion. Probably she will have to organize her next 40 days so that she doesn’t get bored spending too much time in the same room.

Yes, she will have to make some executive decisions, like taking a bubble bath or a swim in the indoor pool without the risk of being electrocuted (by the bracelet!). Or nibbling on some more liver pate’ while shopping on line with her little doggy Tinkerbell (it's scary how I even know the name of it!).

Yeah…I guess I should give the girl some credit, after all, she did last 5 whole days.

Road Tripping

Since the day I became a “Legal Alien” of the United States of America, I always thought about getting my driver’s license. I know, I know… It sounds a bit retarded, but I used to have one, back in Italy which I obtained with a good dose of cheating and an old friend at the DMV. It really didn’t make a difference to me since Italians are well known to be really bad drivers anyway. Then I moved to London and I didn’t even dare to drive on the other side of the road, (it was hard enough trying not to kill anybody during my occasional errands in my own country!) so my poor license was stashed at the bottom of a drawer and eventually completely lost.

After I met my husband, we were both making fun of each other because neither of us had a proper driver’s license. He is the typical New Yorker who uses taxis, trains and the occasional bus around town and I pretty much like to walk everywhere.

Needless to say that since Luca came along, I have been dreaming about these beautiful long road trips we would take over the weekends (traffic? what traffic?...in my dreams there is no such a thing), while my husband is napping in the passenger seat, Luca is happily chewing on his stuffed cow, Floyd and Norah Jones is playing in the background.
I am behind the wheel (Oh Lord!), happily humming the sweet tunes and taking in the beautiful view of the countryside.

Yes, it’s because of this dream that every single week I pick up my little DMV book, ready to study for the test and inevitably…I get bored to death!
Then I start bitching and moaning to my husband on why we never drive anywhere and why HE doesn’t have a driver’s license and blah…blah and this is when he starts making fun of the way I drive the stroller.

Ok, I have to admit that my poor son, Luca, must have motion sickness every time I push him around in his Bugaboo. I am the kind of person who likes to multi-task. That doesn’t necessarily mean I’m good at it. I like to talk, eat my protein bar, touch up my lipgloss and occasionally paying attention to where I’m going. So after running over my husband’s feet a few times and crashed into a couple of trees…let’s just say he doesn’t really trust me as a driver.

At the end of the day, I guess we are just a couple of lazy people stuck on public transportation for the rest of our lives…or until we realize that with all the money we waste in taxis we could have own a Lamborghini.

DCP: Don’t be such a goofball like me and study for your license if you don’t have one!

Beauty and the Beast

I wish they would have told me how bloody painful your first period is after you give birth. I mean, really…what’s all the cramping, backache and mood swings?
I was blessed enough not to have it back right away, but I stopped breastfeeding a few weeks ago…and there it is, on the dot, with a huge grin on his face (yes, my period has a face…so what?...boy I gotta stop the crack!).

I can hear it laughing and saying: “I’m baaaaack! You seriously thought I was gone for good? Ohhh…poor thing!”

(No seriously…what’s wrong with me?)

Anyway, the beast is back and I can’t move or leave the house without a triple dose (yes, enough to kill a horse) of Midol, Ibuprofen, Advil, Motrin, Xanex (I wish) or whatever legal (and illegal) stuff I have around.
Last night I also went off at my husband about a stupid roasted chicken. I was going on and on and on, to the point that I sounded so stupid (even to my own ears), but it was too late to admit it (I am a very proud chick!)… So I had to keep going until I burst into laughter.

Well, let’s look at the bright side: I only have 3 more days to go!

Daily Cool Pill: My grandma always used to give me a shot of strong liquor to kill the pain (yes, us Italians believe in natural remedies!), so I have been on a Tequila diet for the past 24 hours. The occasional shot does the trick, but if you’re looking for a tastier treat...Margaritas is the way to go, girl!

Hasta la vista, baby!

Louder Then Words

It has been now a few months since my little one started experimenting with his vocal cords…or better, with his high pitched screams. It was cute in the beginning and all we did was admire his opera-singer-like-solos, but after a few days of ear bleedings and strong doses of Tylenol…it just didn’t do it for us anymore.

Considering that we live in a five floor apartment building, where the walls are thinner then paper, I can totally imagine the looks on my neighbors’ faces. Yes, we were the couple with “the screaming baby” or better, the only couple with “a baby” in the whole building. Period.

After the first complaint from the guy upstairs (yes, it’s Manhattan and there are assholes everywhere!...like I’m supposed to explain to a 5 month old how to keep it down!), I honestly and genuinely considered to go around each and every apartment offering earplugs and headache relievers…until I realized I would be broke!

I don’t think it’s out there yet that very special kind of earplug. The one able to block out such a supersonic noise like the one Luca makes when he’s not happy. (Look at the picture and just add 100,000,000 decibels to it…got the idea?).

So after spending the first few weeks worrying sick that somebody would knock at our door and kick us out of the apartment, after suing Luca’s lil' ass for permanently damaging their eardrums…I honestly don’t give a crap anymore!

Now I just enjoy myself when he’s jumping up and down like a little monkey in the Exersaucer or when he drops all his toys on the floor from the highchair.
I wouldn’t be surprised actually if soon the whole building will evacuate because of hurricane Luca and the “real estate police” charge us a billion dollars for lost revenue!

What can I say? All the cries and the screams…are just music to my ears (until I run out of my huge stash of Tylenol in my medicine cabinet!).

Daily Cool Pill: If somebody knocks at your door complaining about the screams and the noise from your little one, just say: "Oh...I'm sorry, but I think I enjoy better my baby's screams then your sex moans! (One long minute of silence...). Oh yes...we heard all about it the other night!" Trust me...it's a winner! No man will ever admit that he hasn't had sex in a very long time and no older lady wouldn't get a kick out of it!

The Daily Bite: Zucchine Campagnole

June is finally here. Since I was a little girl running around the beaches of the Italian Riviera, summer has always been my favorite. I love the colors, the different smells and the beautiful variety of the fresh food available at the farmers market.
I love the sweet taste of the sun drenched tomatoes, the smell of the fresh basil and the juiciness of a big chunk of watermelon.
My summer memories are mostly related to the end of school and the long days spent at the beach, to the sweet old lady selling fresh doughnuts and rosemary focaccia and the long family dinners “al fresco”.
My big fat cat sleeping her way trough the whole season for being too lazy to move around and my old sweet dog always ready to sneak up some food under the table.

As you already know I want to dedicate the weekend section of this blog to sharing some old great family recipes.

This is a very easy one that I usually make about 2 or 3 times a week…just because I love zucchini so much! I know this is not the typical summer vegetable, since it’s usually available all year long, but I love its earthy and refreshing taste. It’s a great side dish next to any meat or fish.

Servings: 4

Take 4 medium sized zucchini and cut them in half, lengthwise. Then cut them into quarter inch thick half circles.

Heat up 4 or 5 generous tablespoons of olive oil with 4 minced garlic cloves. After a minute or so, add the zucchini, a handful of fresh thyme, salt and pepper and sauté for about 5 minutes or until they are cooked but still crunchy. I usually add a little bit of water so that the oil and the spice blend together.
Once they are on a plate, you can sprinkle some fresh grated pecorino cheese (shown in the picture) or if you prefer a more refreshing taste, they are great with some fresh mint and basil.

Buon appetito!

I am no Cyber Whore

I really don’t remember what the heck we used to do without the Internet. Did we really use the Yellow Pages every time we were looking for an address? A restaurant? A store? Really?
It seems such a distant memory now, but to think about it I only became “computer happy” in the last few years. I’ve never really been a technology freak, let alone a decent user, so every time I discover or master the smallest task on my Mac…I feel like I discovered America.
You should have seen me playing around with Photoshop and Illustrator, or using my first scanner. Word, Excel, Power Point and all that computer mambo jumbo are slowly becoming clearer to me over the years and I can honestly say out loud, how much I regret cheating my way through computer class back in school.
I have always been a literature, history and foreign languages lover (yeah, you wouldn’t have guessed by the way I write!) and loathed anything remotely technical, including math of course.
So having bluffed my way through school for so many years and noticing that the whole world now revolves around computers…I had to step up and teach myself some of that stuff.
Anyway, the point of this post was….(I swear I had one!)…Isn’t it amazing how nowadays we feel crippled without a computer? We can’t even go on vacation without checking our e-mails or letting everybody know where we are…in case something happens. We feel this enormous need to stay in touch with the world because somehow we think if disaster strikes, we can save the day. What happened to the private time spent with friends and family? To the luxury of not being bothered by your boss or colleagues while you’re away? Well, it’s very simple: Unplug yourself!

DCP: Isn’t it nicer to come back from a vacation relaxed and tan, instead of looking like crap because you feel like you have never left?
Remember, it’s called vacation for a reason so ask your boss and colleagues to respect it!