Thursday, September 6, 2007

I Wonder Why Everything Changes…

It’s absolutely amazing how your all perspective changes once you have a baby. I know this is the oldest cliché’ you’ve ever heard, but I swear, to me is still a fucking mystery.

I mean, in my pre-baby life, there was no way in hell I would’ve even pronounce the word “Jersey” (as in the state of New Jersey) without feeling repulsed and definitely erase your name for good from my buddy list.

By any standards, that’s always being the land of the borings and a little bit losers too. Or better, the “bridge and tunnel” people, as New Yorkers like to call them. These are usually natives of the afore mentioned state, individuals with no style or sense of fashion and often very loud who like to spend the weekend in Manhattan.

Once I got older and the raging hormones of motherhood left a tall on my physical and psychological being, I realized that maybe life in the fast lane is not for me anymore (I can’t believe I just said that!). A few years back it was fun to live in a one bedroom apartment in Manhattan, go out 3 to 4 times a week without caring about your massive hangovers just because you had to check out that new cool club or restaurant. I used to swear that nothing would have changed that!

Yes…that desire inside that keeps you young. The energy you have...when you DON'T have kids.

Now, it’s all a different story. I’m a wreck by the end of the day. I can barely stay up past Midnight and my best friends are a good book and a cozy duvet. I love the city, but sometimes, actually everyday, I dream of having a bigger house with a big backyard where Luca can play and run around, instead of being like a little mouse trapped in a shoebox.

My husband always makes fun of me, because he thinks I will never be able to leave the city and be a suburban soccer mom. Also with the skyrocketing prices of real estate here in New York, the only house we will be able to afford will be in Buttfuck America.
Meaning somewhere really really faraway where they’ve never heard of New York City.

Do you think I can blame the hormones for all this?

Tell me your story. Have you ever lived in a big city? Do you live in a house or apartment? Is Buttfuck America really worth it for the sanity of your kids?

DCP: If you really have to move to the burbs (read: New Jersey) it would be great to do it Tony Sopranos style. Now that’s a house I wouldn’t mind to live in...yes, (pulling the words out of my mouth) even in NJ.


Marian said...

I think we all go through this... I suppose it is the sane thing to do...or the 'respectable' thing to do. I dont think one would be a very good parent if one decides to go out every night and drink half the world's vodka supply. Adaptation to circumstances?
I was born in a mid-range city and lived from the age of 18 onwards in a big city (population counted in millions). That was while I was a university student, lived on my own, had my own apartment and my parents were 1000km basically I could do what I wanted: get up or go to bed whenever I wanted and in whatever state I wanted... or with whomever I wanted.
When we bought this house with my husband we deliberately bought in the suburbs. Thinking about one day having a family, we thought the best was to invest in a quiet, family type neighborhood. It was weird at first because it is sooooo quiet! We are surrounded by big houses and woods. We got a dog (big one) who definitely benefits from the area where we live and the big gardens we have. And at this point, we got used to making little trips (15min by car-10 min by train) to the nearest big city for shopping or going out. And here is the other thing...we don't go out that much anymore...I mean, sure there is a nanny and the grandparents but -like you said- we are too tired to go out just any day! hahah these days we plan it with weeks of advance! So, not having all the pub and caffes near by does not affect us that much, really.
On the plus side; not only the dog is happy with the green and open neighbourhood. Our son has lots of fans in the borough hahaha...people that come by to bring him presents, all people from accross the street.They stop when they see us on the street, everyone knows each other, talk...even help each other. (they are still dutch so, this all happens with a certain degree of...distance!). And Seba, one yr old, plays around in the front yard touching grass, not cement. He runs in the back pulling the dogs tale and things like that. So, all in all...I think if you want to raise a healthy kid, close to nature (not in a cabin in Alaska, but I mean, being able to run around freely)the suburbs are the best. And you worry less... not the same fo your kid to go out and play with friends in the suburbs than in the middle of a busy, hectic city loaded with cars and busses....dunno. Life is cheaper too...
big cities tend to be more expensive.

Dunno... its a very personal choice, We are happy with ours.

Marian said...

Errrr...sorry for the length...I think I had a few things to say...apparently.

Mommee and Her Boys said...

Hmm... Well, living in Ohio (ok we do have cities here, it's not all cows and fields) if you want to live anywhere nice you have to live in a suburb. Living downtown, while yes some of the condos/apartments are million dollar places to live, it's only something single big company executives do. I guess I don't really know anything different; because I was born and raised in suburbs.

Now, yes, I agree that life pre-baby and post-baby are very different. Hell, life before marriage is even different, if you really think about it. Yes, you can go out with your spouse, pre-baby, get wasted and what not... but c'mon it's completely different than going out with the girls, getting wasted, and then making out with random people at the bar (or was that just me??? lol).

Anyway- I may live in the suburbs but you will NEVER catch me driving a mini-van... That is one thing I refuse to do.

We do own our own home and the one upside to that is having a backyard, where the kids can go and I don't have to worry about them, if I have to run inside the house really quick, because they are surrounded by a 6 foot fence. Also, it's fun to have neighbors who are in the same situation as you are- stay at home moms, or just parents in general. Around here there aren't too many families who live in apartments. BUT apartments here are also very different from apartments in NY... So, I dunno.

Now I am depressed. I am a suburban soccer mom... minus the mini-van!

Cool Mama said...

Thank you girls! You just confirmed what I was thinking all along. I look at Luca playing in our apartment and I wonder how happy he will be running around, touching grass, pulling the tail of a big dog (er...not the little mousy dog we have. See, even the dog size in NY is related to the size of your apt!). I love taking him out around the city though, because everything and I mean everything is VERY entertaining. There are cars everywhere, fire trucks, bicycle etc..., but also an incredible noise all around. I think the trick would be to move somewhere close to the city. Lately I'm in love with California. I love the beach and the nice weather and not looking forward another cold winter in NY with an active toddler!